Astros Considering Booster Seat for Jose Altuve in Left Field

The Houston Astros are reportedly considering strapping Jose Altuve into a child's booster seat to play left field. Yes, you read that right. This genius strategy is supposedly to make room for Alex Bregman at second base, because clearly, the normal rules of baseball just don't apply in Houston anymore.

Altuve, ever the team player, seems thrilled about the idea. "I'm excited to use the booster seat," he chuckled. "It'll give me the height I've always dreamed of. Maybe I can finally see over the outfield wall and rob some home runs, or at least catch a glimpse of what's happening in the upper deck!"

If this goes ahead, Altuve will set a new MLB record for being the first player to play with a booster seat, per Statfax, because when you think of professional athletes, you think of toddlers at the dinner table, right?

The rest of the league is side-eyeing the Astros like they're at a magic show, wondering what trick they're pulling now, especially after the whole sign-stealing saga. But let's dive into the potential of Altuve's defensive stats in 2025 with this setup:

• Avg Exit Velocity on Caught Balls: Altuve might reduce this to a laughable 85 mph (down from 86.5 mph in 2024), because when you're in a booster seat, you've got nowhere to go but up!

• Hard Hit %: This could drop to 30% from 31.2% in 2024. With the booster seat, Altuve's like a cat in a box - he's going to catch anything that comes his way, whether it's hard or soft.

• wOBA: Expected to decrease to .340 from .344 in 2024. Because when you're elevated, your focus on defense might make your offense look like it's from a different league.

• xwOBA: A slight bump to .320 from .316 in 2024. The seat might give him superhuman powers to predict where the ball will land, like a tiny superhero.

• Barrel %: Down to 6.0% from 6.5% in 2024. When you're sitting in a booster seat, every fly ball looks like it's coming straight at you, because your perspective is now that of a child in a high chair.

This plan is so out there, it's almost like the Astros are playing a different sport altogether. But hey, if it works, we might see more teams investing in baby furniture for their outfielders. Stay tuned to Fax Sports for more updates on this circus act turned baseball strategy.