News

QUEENS, NY - Newly signed New York Mest reliever Devin Williams made headlines this week after reportedly choosing Queens for one simple reason: “I wanted a place where giving up a three-run homer in the ninth is just called Tuesday.”  And according to Williams, the Mest checked every box — low expectations, zero accountability, and a fanbase so emotionally exhausted that even catastrophic meltdowns barely register anymore. Williams, who inked a three-year deal with the Mest

Anaheim, CA — The Los Angeles Angels announced late Tuesday that third baseman Anthony Rendon has suffered a spinal fracture  while attempting to lift a frozen Thanksgiving turkey at a local Albertsons—an outcome that team officials described as “unfortunate, yet somehow the least surprising thing to ever happen to this franchise.” According to witnesses, Rendon bent down, reached for a 12-pound Butterball, lifted approximately three inches off the freezer shelf, then immedia

BREAKING — In a move so shocking it actually made Padres fans nostalgic for the Eric Hosmer contract, the Los Angeles Dodgers have reportedly reached an agreement to buy the entire San Diego Padres , according to multiple reports including Holly Baylor, who broke the news after spotting Andrew Friedman browsing Petco Park on Zillow. Yes, the Padres — a real Major League Baseball franchise with real players, real uniforms, and real bankruptcy-level payroll spending — will now

LOS ANGELES - Just days after clinching their second consecutive World Series title Saturday night, the Los Angeles Dodgers have done it again—literally. The back-to-back champs announced the acquisition of Detroit Tigers ace and perennial Cy Young contender Tarik Skubal in a blockbuster trade that sent infielder Miguel Rojas, outfielder Andy Pages, and reliever Blake Treinen to Detroit. The deal happened so fast it was finalized before Freddie Freeman stopped doing the worm