Angels’ Anthony Rendon Injured Picking Up Thanksgiving Turkey, Out For 2026 Season

Anaheim, CA — The Los Angeles Angels announced late Tuesday that third baseman Anthony Rendon has suffered a spinal fracture while attempting to lift a frozen Thanksgiving turkey at a local Albertsons—an outcome that team officials described as “unfortunate, yet somehow the least surprising thing to ever happen to this franchise.”

According to witnesses, Rendon bent down, reached for a 12-pound Butterball, lifted approximately three inches off the freezer shelf, then immediately collapsed “like he got hit by a 117-mph sinker from Tony Ohtani.” Paramedics were called to the scene, and Rendon was transported to an Anaheim hospital, where doctors confirmed he will miss the entire 2026 season. The Angels statement included the word “again” nine separate times.

Rendon, always upbeat despite spending more time on the IL than on the field, released a brief statement through the team: “Honestly? I’m excited. Another full year in Cancun? That’s the dream, man. I didn’t even have to play baseball to earn it.”

Scott Johnson, an Angels fan and regular Albertsons shopper, says he witnessed the incident unfold. “I was grabbing some ketchup when I heard a thud,” Johnson recalled. “I turned around and saw Rendon on the ground clutching his back. I knew it had to be Rendon because only he could pull a muscle from picking up poultry.” Johnson later added that he asked Rendon if he needed help, but Rendon replied, “Nah, man, I’m used to this.”

The reaction inside the Angels clubhouse? Pure resignation.

Mike Trout, who has spent the last decade publicly pretending to be shocked by Rendon’s durability issues, didn’t even attempt that this time.“I mean… yeah,” Trout said. “We’ve seen him get injured tying his cleats. A turkey was honestly overdue.”

Shortstop Zach Neto was even more blunt. “This is like the least surprising Tuesday of my life,” Neto said. “We literally have a running bet in the clubhouse about what he injures next. I had ‘holiday-related torso injury’ at +450.”

Catcher Logan O’Hoppe added: “The crazy part is we warned him. We told him to get the pre-cooked one. But he said, ‘How hard could a turkey be?’ Turns out, very.”

The incident has already sent shockwaves through the grocery world. In a hastily assembled press conference, company owner Albert Albertson announced new safety measures. “Effective immediately, all Albertsons locations will remove frozen turkeys exceeding nine pounds,” Albertson said. “We never imagined one of our products would take down a professional athlete, though in this case… well, you know.”

Rendon will be spending Thanksgiving in an Anaheim hospital recovering from his injuries. Sources confirm he has already suffered another setback after giving himself a paper cut while signing hospital admittance forms. Doctors listed him as “day-to-day, but mostly day-to-day-to-day-to-day.”

As for the Angels, the club will now enter the offseason with a familiar hole at third base, and fans once again wondering if Anthony Rendon is actually just a performance artist whose medium is “accidentally hurting himself.”

UPDATE: The Angels have signed the frozen turkey to a one-year deal for $25 million, and plan to start him at third base next season.