Paul Skenes Rips Dodgers Fans, Shuts Them Out, Then Gets Traded to LA in Stunning Move

LOS ANGELES, CA — Pirates ace Paul Skenes didn’t hold back when asked about the atmosphere at Dodger Stadium before last night’s matchup against Yoshinobu Yamamoto and the star-studded Dodgers.

"It’s hard to take it seriously when half the fans are influencers who don’t know who’s pitching,"  Skenes said, throwing shade at LA’s notorious bandwagon crowd—where knowing the score is optional, but knowing your best camera angle is mandatory.

Then, Skenes did what true baseball fans actually appreciate: he shoved. The rookie phenom silenced 50,000 selfie sticks with a masterclass performance, tossing six shutout innings in a dominant 3-0 Pirates win on national TV. Dodgers fans left early—not because of traffic, but because they didn’t realize the game wasn’t over after seven.

Ironically, Skenes' own girlfriend, social media star Livvy Dunne, was quick to defend herself amidst the influencer slander.

"I actually know baseball, okay? I’m not like those other girls,"  Dunne told reporters postgame while filming a TikTok. “I know what a slider is. Plus, Paul explains everything to me… like, every day.”

But the real headline came just hours after the game, when the Dodgers did what they do best—buy talent. In a shocking late-night trade, LA acquired Paul Skenes from the Pirates in exchange for Chris Taylor, Max Muncy, and cash considerations (reportedly enough to cover Muncy’s remaining contract and a year’s supply of Dodger Dogs).

The updated Dodgers rotation now looks downright illegal:

1. Paul Skenes

2. Yoshinobu Yamamoto

3. Blake Snell

4. Tyler Glasnow

5. Roki Sasaki

With Skenes joining forces with Yamamoto, analysts are already calling it the most dominant 1-2 punch since the 2022 MLB The Show cover duo.

With this move, the Dodgers are now projected to win 135 games... and still lose in the NLCS to a Wild Card team with a $40 million payroll.

As for Pirates fans? They’ve already Photoshopped Muncy into a Primanti Bros. ad and are pretending Chris Taylor is part of their "youth movement."

Stay tuned—because in LA, if you can’t beat ‘em, you just trade for ‘em.