Cancun Playoffs Weekend Recap: Astros, Samurai Dominate; Braves, Pickles Take Early Leads

Fax Sports
Oct 6
4 min read

Tony Ohtani celebrates his 769 ft home run off the scoreboard in North Japan's Game 1 win.

CANCUN, MX - This weekend the Cancun Playoffs divisional round was pure chaos, complete with heroic catches, prison breaks, and Pete Alonso defying physics. As the tropical postseason heats up, two teams — the Houston Astros and North Japan Samurai — find themselves one win away from sweeping into the Cancun Championship Series, while the Atlanta Braves and Portland Pickles jumped out to early leads in their best-of-five battles.

Astros Lead Rangers 2-0 — Houston Pulls Off Historic Ninth-Inning Miracle

The 2023 Cancun champs are up to their old tricks.

In Game 1, Martin Maldonado’s unexpected blast put Houston ahead early, while Josh Reddick’s gravity-defying home run robbery against Corey Seager sealed a 3–2 win. “I just closed my eyes and prayed,” Reddick said postgame, still holding the ball in disbelief. Hunter Brown outdueled Jacob deGrom, looking like a veteran in his Cancun debut.

Then came Game 2 — the most absurd inning in playoff history. Down 6–0 heading into the ninth, Houston unleashed a tropical storm on Aroldis Chapman. Carlos Correa, José Altuve, and Yordong Álvarez each went deep in a seven-run comeback that left the Rangers stunned.

“I told the guys we’re never dead in Cancun,” said Altuve. “Something about the humidity — it keeps our bats alive.”

Statfax gives Houston a 97% chance to advance after the comeback. The Rangers, meanwhile, look sunburned and shell-shocked heading into Game 3.

North Japan Leads Orioles 2-0 — Samurai Erase the Concept of Mercy

If dominance had a face, it would be Tony Ohtani’s smirking under a samurai helmet.

Through two games, North Japan has outscored Baltimore 25–0, winning 17–0 and 8–0 in games that could only be described as war crimes on grass. Ohtani is hitting 1.250 with 10 home runs and 636 RBI, a line so statistically illegal that even StatFax refused to verify it.

“I’m just seeing beachballs,” Ohtani said after Game 2. “Like, literal beachballs. It’s Cancun.”

Yasiel Puig added five homers of his own and has already licked 13 bats — a new postseason record. Ippei Mizuhara, recently freed from jail by teammates Mini and Yung Moto, has hit three Cancun oppo taco home runs, becoming the first convicted felon ever to lead a division series in slugging percentage.

Pitching has been equally absurd. Ohtani and Mini Moto each threw complete-game shutouts, allowing just two hits combined.

Gary Busey, calling games for FAX+, put it bluntly: “The Orioles are cooked. The only question left is whether the Samurai will outscore them 50–0 by the end.”

Braves Lead Giants 1-0 — Marc Olsen Does Things Freddie Never Did

In a game that looked like it might never end, Marc Olsen decided it would — with authority. His walk-off grand slam in the bottom of the ninth gave the Braves a 9–5 win and sent Cancun Dome into delirium.

Both starters — Justin Verlander for the Giants and Jesse Chavez for the Braves — struggled early, trading long balls like souvenirs. “I thought I was pitching in a batting cage,” Chavez joked.

Olsen, who also homered earlier in the game, called it “a blur.” “I blacked out somewhere between first base and the ice bath, but I woke up after remembering Freddie never did any of this,” he said.

FAX+ commentator Ben Verlander noted that the Braves’ offense “looks too deep, too loose, and too Cancun to lose.” The Giants will need Logan Webb to play savior in Game 2 to avoid falling behind 2–0.

Pickles Lead Mest 1-0 — Chaos in the Ninth, Pete Alonso Mests Again

The Portland Pickles’ first Cancun win in franchise history came on a literal moonshot — not by a batter, but by Pete Alonso.

In the top of the ninth, with the game tied 4–4, Alonso’s throw home sailed 3,700 feet above catcher Francisco Álvarez’s head, per StatFax — breaking the previous record of 3,685 feet set by himself earlier this season. The error allowed the winning run to score, giving Portland a 5–4 walkoff win.

Both starters, Trevor Bauer for Portland and Bartolo Colón for the Mest, were sharp early. But fatigue set in: Juan Soto homered off Bauer, while Colón surrendered a blast to a random Portland Pickles fan.

“I just wanted to make contact,” said that random fan, still holding the souvenir ball while signing autographs outside Cancun Dome.

Pickles manager Ricky Dillweed said postgame, “We’ll take it. Pete Alonso can keep the moon ball.”

Analysts give Portland a 60% chance to advance, but warn that “no lead is safe in a Mest series.”

Looking Ahead — The Road to the Cancun Championship

Games resume this week under the dome and along the beaches. The Astros and Samurai could both clinch sweeps by midweek, while the Braves and Pickles look to extend their advantages.

Projected outcomes (per StatFax Advanced Predictive Metrics™):