Chicago White Sox Eliminated from 2025 Playoffs

CANCUN, MX - The Chicago White Sox have officially been eliminated from the 2025 MLB playoffs—before the regular season has even thrown its first pitch. According to our friends at Statfax, this marks an MLB record for the earliest postseason elimination in major league history, as well as a Cancun record for the fastest entry into Mexico playoff contention.

The White Sox, who have been a perennial disappointment in recent years, somehow managed to outdo themselves this time. “We suck,” outfielder Luis Robert Jr. said bluntly when asked about the team’s unprecedented early exit. Robert, who has been one of the few bright spots on this roster when healthy, didn’t mince words, and honestly, can you blame him? This is a new low, even for a franchise that’s been plumbing the depths of mediocrity for a while now.

While Robert’s frustration was palpable, not everyone on the team was quite so downtrodden. First baseman Andrew Vaughn and outfielder Andrew Benintendi, in particular, seemed downright giddy about the news. “I’m pumped, man! Cancun, here we come!” Vaughn exclaimed, already sporting a pair of flip-flops and a Hawaiian shirt. Benintendi echoed the sentiment, adding, “I’ve had my bags packed since January. Let’s go sip some margaritas on the beach!” The two Andrews clearly have their priorities straight—why bother with a grueling 162-game season when you can fast-track to a tropical vacation?

Not everyone was ready to break out the sunscreen, though. Third baseman Miguel Vargas, who was traded to the White Sox from the Los Angeles Dodgers in 2024, was visibly dejected. “I should still be a Dodger,” Vargas muttered, staring longingly at his old LA cap. It’s hard to argue with him—Vargas probably didn’t envision his career taking a detour to Cancun this early in the year when he was part of a perennial contender in Los Angeles.

Despite missing out on the Cancun playoffs last year, the White Sox are still considered a heavy favorite for a top seed in the increasingly popular international tournament. The Cancun Classic, which has gained a cult following among fans who prefer piña coladas to pennant races, is the one postseason event where the White Sox might actually shine. If there’s a trophy for fastest elimination, they’ve already got it locked up.

In a move that can only be described as peak White Sox, the team announced a ten-year extension for manager Will Venable despite the early elimination. Venable, who took over the club in late 2024, apparently impressed the front office with his ability to… well, we’re not entirely sure. Maybe they just like his vibes? Either way, Venable will be steering this ship—or rather, this beach raft—for the foreseeable future.

So, while the rest of MLB gears up for the 2025 regular season, the White Sox are already looking ahead to their offseason plans. Will they dominate the Road to Cancun? Will Vargas ever find his way back to a contender? And will Robert ever get to play for a team that doesn’t get eliminated before Opening Day? Only time will tell. For now, we’ll leave you with this: the White Sox may be out of the playoffs, but they’re already winning at the art of the early vacation. Stay tuned for more updates from the beach—I mean, the diamond.