Cubs Teaching Pete Crow-Armstrong to Pitch to Beat Ohtani for NL MVP

CHICAGO — The Cubs have apparently decided that if Pete Crow-Armstrong isn't already the obvious choice for NL MVP, they’ll simply turn him into Shohei Ohtani.

Per Jeff Passan, Chicago reportedly plans to begin working out Crow-Armstrong as a pitcher with the goal of developing its superstar center fielder into a two-way player. PCA is set to begin throwing bullpen sessions immediately and could potentially make an appearance out of the Cubs bullpen within the next couple weeks.

The timing couldn’t be more convenient. With Crow-Armstrong battling Ohtani for MVP, the Cubs reportedly believe the easiest way to eliminate Ohtani’s two-way advantage is to simply make PCA a pitcher, too.

Pete Crow-Armstrong explains his reasoning for becoming a two-way player.

“Apparently you get extra MVP points if you pitch, so I figured I’d learn by September,” Crow-Armstrong told reporters.

Crow-Armstrong does have previous pitching experience from college, making the transition slightly more believable than Chicago teaching Ian Happ how to throw a splitter.

Sources say the Cubs aren’t expecting PCA to become an ace. They just need him to throw a few innings, strike somebody out and give MVP voters absolutely no idea what to do.

If the experiment works, Chicago could soon have its own two-way superstar. If it doesn’t, the Cubs reportedly plan to teach PCA Japanese next.

How will Shohei Ohtani react? Word from LA is the Dodgers star has already reached out to his ex-translator Ippei Mizuhara to see if PCA was involved in any gambling scandals.

Who will end up winning the 2026 NL MVP: Pete Crow-Armstrong or Shohei Ohtani?