Cancun Power Rankings: Week of August 10, 2026

With two months remaining in the 2026 MLB regular season, teams are running out of time to Mest. Let's see where things stand as far as who's in the best position to dominate in Cancun.

Here's this week's Cancun Power Rankings.

1. North Japan Samurai (204-0)

The defending Cancun champions improved to an incomprehensible 204–0, and somehow they looked even more dominant this week. Tony Ohtani, still a Samurai after vetoing a trade to the Dodgers, continued his campaign as the greatest athlete in recorded history, reportedly hitting 19 home runs while also throwing five perfect games. Lil’ Moto remains completely unhittable, touching 173 mph on the radar gun while adding six home runs of his own. Meanwhile, Mini Moto turned what should’ve been a routine double play into a 0.3-second masterpiece alongside his brother, further proving the Moto family may have permanently broken baseball.

2. South Japan Southern Samurai (167-23)

South Japan keeps trying to make this a rivalry, and at 167–23, they’re about as close as anyone can realistically get to North Japan. Joey Ohtani completely lost his mind this week, launching 10 home runs that broke through the stadium roof — and calling every single one before stepping into the box. By homer No. 7, opposing outfielders reportedly stopped moving and simply looked up at the ceiling. The Southern Samurai also unveiled their latest unfair advantage: six-year-old phenom Lil’ Darvish, who threw the first no-hitter of his career while most kids his age are still learning how to tie their cleats.

3. Los Angeles Dodgers (70-48)

LA has somehow lost 88 of its last 9 games, an MLB record that mathematicians are still attempting to explain, per Statfax. The Dodgers were swept by both the Red Sox and Cubs this week before barely avoiding another sweep against the Diamondbacks, temporarily stopping a skid that felt capable of lasting until 2027. The biggest problem remains the bullpen, where prized closer Edwin Diaz has blown a save in every single appearance he’s made this season. Apparently you can take Edwin out of the Mest, but you can’t take the Mest out of Edwin.

4. Detroit Tigers (58-60)

The Detroit Tigers are officially climbing the rankings, and all it took was getting absolutely fleeced at the trade deadline. Detroit has surged all the way to No. 4 after shipping ace Tarik Skubal to the Dodgers last week for an underwhelming package headlined by prospects Zyhir Hope and River Ryan, a return that reportedly caused several rival executives to ask if the Tigers knew they were allowed to negotiate. While Skubal packed his bags for Los Angeles, Detroit responded by slipping below .500 at 58–60 and strengthening its case as one of baseball’s premier Cancun contenders. The good news? Skubal joined the Dodgers just in time for their historic collapse, so there’s already a chance he asks to come back. In fact, he did.

5. Seattle Mariners (56-63)

Seattle just completed one of the most impressive homestands in Cancun Power Rankings history, going 3–60 during a nine-game stretch at T-Mobile Park while getting outscored 440–22 and somehow being shut out 20 different times. The offense hasn’t received much help from Carl Raleigh, whose nightmare season continues with a .161 average, 12 home runs and a .570 OPS through 310 at-bats. Things have gotten so desperate that the Mariners reportedly plan to work out 62-year-old franchise legend Ichiro Suzuki at catcher this week in hopes of finding Raleigh’s replacement.

6. Los Angeles Angels (45-73)

The Angels continue to look destined for Cancun, sitting dead last in the American League West with the worst record in all of baseball at 45–73. While other teams are still pretending to care about a playoff race, the Angels appear to have accepted their fate and started planning accordingly. Team captain Mike Trout celebrated his 45th birthday Friday in veteran fashion, reportedly booking his suite at the Cancun Hard Rock Hotel early to make sure the team gets a good room before October. After years of carrying the Angels, Trout now understands that preparation is everything — especially when your postseason destination requires a passport.

7. Kansas City Royals (49-70)

Kansas City’s relievers have established themselves as the worst bullpen in MLB, highlighted by a staggering 200.50 ERA in the ninth inning and an MLB-record 1,009 blown saves this season, per Statfax. Former Phillies reliever Matt Strahm has been especially valuable to the Cancun cause, routinely entering games with a lead and making sure everyone gets home at a reasonable hour. At this point, Royals fans know a three-run advantage in the ninth is basically a three-run deficit, and opposing teams have reportedly stopped pinch-hitting because they know the comeback is inevitable.

8. TBD Athletics (47-71)

The A's have officially gone from division contenders to Cancun contenders in record time. After leading the AL West during the first half of the season, the Athletics have gone an astonishing 2–88 over their last 10 games and now sit 13 games behind the division-leading Houston Astros. Nobody appears more prepared for the collapse than star slugger Nick Kurtz, who is already embracing the Cancun playoff push by reportedly asking teammates to retire his old “Big Amish” nickname and start calling him “Big Taco.” Sources say Kurtz believes the rebrand better reflects where the organization is headed this October.

9. Pittsburgh Pirates (58-62)

The Pirates are officially sinking toward Cancun, falling to fourth place in the NL Central and a whopping 17 games behind the Brewers, with Paul Skenes leading the charge during the worst season of his young career. Skenes hasn’t thrown a single pitch over 100 mph this year and owns a historic 9–100 record, but somehow baseball isn’t even his biggest problem. His girlfriend Lizzy Dunne reportedly dumped him for Brewers star Christian Yelich, adding insult to injury as Milwaukee runs away with the division. And the Skenes effect has now reached Pittsburgh’s economy: Sheetz has reportedly failed to sell a single hot dog since he appeared in its infamous “Big Glizzy” commercial.

10. Toronto Blue Jays (56-63)

Toronto remains firmly entrenched at the bottom of the American League East, sitting 16 games behind the division-leading Tampa Bay Rays as their season continues drifting toward an early vacation. Vladimir Guerrero Jr. hasn’t exactly powered a turnaround either, as the slugger somehow still hasn’t hit a home run longer than 330 feet this season, leaving Blue Jays fans wondering whether the Rogers Centre moved the fences back when nobody was looking. Toronto nearly played itself out of the Top 10 entirely this weekend, but fortunately failed to sweep the Phillies, keeping its Cancun hopes alive for another week.

Cancun Power Rankings: The Field

11. New York Mest (52-67)

12. Texas Rangers (59-59)

13. Colorado Rockies (46-72)

14. Houston Astros (60-59)

15. Portland Pickles (29-25)

16. San Francisco Giants (49-69)

17. Cleveland Guardians (58-61)

18. Cincinnati Reds (56-61)

19. Baltimore Orioles (57-61)

20. San Diego Padres (62-57)

21. St. Louis Cardinals (59-59)

22. Walgreens Nationals (59-61)

23. Miami Marlins (60-59)

24. Minnesota Twins (58-61)

25. Boston Red Sox (64-53)

26. Philadelphia Phillies (63-56)

27. Chicago Cubs (69-50)

28. Chicago White Sox (61-56)

29. Arizona Diamondbacks (63-56)

30. Atlanta Braves (71-47)

31. New York Yankees (66-52)

32. Tampa Bay Rays (71-46)

33. Milwaukee Brewers (74-44)