New York Mest Acquire USA Soccer Following World Cup Elimination

QUEENS, NY — Just hours after Team USA's 4-1 World Cup elimination at the hands of Belgium, the New York Mest reportedly decided they had seen enough.

According to Fax Sports insiders Holly Baylor and Tom Dung, the Mest have acquired the entire United States men's national soccer team in exchange for closer Devin Williams and pitcher Sean Manaea.

League officials confirmed that Williams and Manaea will now make up 100% of Team USA's roster, while every soccer player has been reassigned to the Mest organization.

"We wanted more athleticism in the bullpen," Mest manager Andy Green told reporters. "These guys run for 90 minutes. Surely one of them can get three outs."

Green added that the club has no plans to play any of the players in the field.

"They're bullpen pieces. Maybe long relief."

Team USA Left Completely Empty

The trade immediately leaves Team USA with only two players.

Williams is expected to start at striker despite never playing organized soccer, while Manaea will reportedly serve as goalkeeper because "he's tall enough."

Officials admitted they are still working on finding jerseys that fit.

Pulisic: "Wait... What?"

U.S. captain Christian Pulisic said he initially assumed the news was satire.

"I thought somebody sent me one of those Fax Sports posts," Pulisic said. "Then my phone started buzzing with travel information to Citi Field."

"I don't know what a Mest is, but apparently I play for them now."

Pulisic reportedly asked whether he would at least be allowed to keep his jersey number before being informed he'd instead be issued a locker next to three broken pitching machines.

Balogun Hoping for Presidential Intervention

Forward Folarin Balogun appeared even more confused.

"So... can President Trump suspend this trade?" Balogun asked reporters.

"I mean... I heard he already stepped in recently to help Team USA out. Maybe he can make a couple calls and send me back."

Balogun then reportedly stared into space for several seconds before asking whether he would be required to warm up in the bullpen or learn how to throw a slider.

Andy Green Has Big Plans for USA Post-World Cup

The New York Mest manager reportedly believes the move could finally solve the Mest's late-inning problems.

"Our relievers walk too many hitters," Green explained.

"Soccer players spend their entire lives kicking things accurately. If they can hit a corner from 30 yards away, maybe they can locate a fastball."

The Mest are also expected to experiment with using defenders as setup men, midfielders as middle relievers, and goalkeepers as emergency closers because "they're already used to diving."

Rest-of-Season Projection

At 38-54 and sitting in last place in the NL East, expectations remain modest.

Statfax Labs project the Mest will finish the season approximately 54-108, though several executives believe the club could outperform expectations if the bullpen successfully adopts a high-pressure pressing system and learns that throwing the baseball with your hands is legal.

The offense, however, remains a concern after multiple players reportedly attempted to score by kicking baseballs over the outfield fence.

Despite those growing pains, the front office insists the trade represents "a long-term investment in versatility."

Whether it helps the Mest win baseball games remains to be seen.

One thing is certain: Team USA may have been eliminated from the World Cup, but according to Holly Baylor and Tom Dung, they weren't eliminated from the trade market.