Chicago Cubs Shatter MLB Records In Historic 17-Game Losing Streak

CHICAGO – The Chicago Cubs have done it again. In a streak so brutal it belongs in the Smithsonian next to the 1969 black cat and the 2003 Steve Bartman ball, the North Siders have dropped 17 straight games while getting outscored 430-8. Both marks are now official MLB records, according to our crack stats team at Statfax labs.

That’s right. Seventeen games. Four hundred thirty runs allowed. Eight total runs scored. The math is so ugly it makes the 2025 White Sox look like the ’27 Yankees.

We reached out for player reactions. They did not disappoint.

Cubs outfielder Seiya Suzuki (who, to be fair, still looks like he could hit .300 if the rest of the team ever showed up):

“I swing hard, ball go far sometimes. But 8 runs in 17 games? That not baseball. That… that video game on rookie mode with controller unplugged.”

Starting pitcher Cade Horton, who apparently hasn’t allowed fewer than 12 runs in any of his last five outings:

“Look, I’m throwing strikes. They’re just… not strikes to them? I don’t know anymore. I asked the ump if we could just call it after the third inning and he said the fans paid for nine. Bro, the fans left after the second.”

Craig Counsell's club is on a collision course for Cancun.

And then there was the anonymous veteran in the clubhouse who simply muttered, “We fired Craig Counsell for this?” before walking straight into the showers fully dressed. (Note: Counsell is still the manager, as far as we know.)

A high-ranking source with another National League club (who spoke on condition of anonymity because he didn’t want to “jinx our own mediocrity”) told Fax Sports:

“The Cubs aren’t just slumping—they’ve achieved statistical irrelevance. You’re looking at a team that’s been outscored by more than 25 runs per game. That’s not a streak, that’s performance art. At this point the front office isn’t looking for a trade deadline haul. They’re looking for whoever has the number for a good exorcist. Or maybe just a time machine back to 2016.”

The insider added, with a chuckle: “If they keep this up, the record for most consecutive losses will be theirs by June. The only question is whether Wrigley Field starts selling ‘I Survived the 17-Game Skid’ T-shirts before or after they hit 20.”

Cubs fans, never ones to quit, were seen outside Wrigley yesterday holding signs that read “Fire the Ivy” and “At Least the Bleachers Are Still Drunk.” One die-hard wearing a 2016 World Series hat told us, “We waited 108 years once. We can wait another 108… but man, this hurts worse than 2003.”

As of press time, the Cubs have not officially commented, but sources say the team is considering a new pre-game ritual: burning the lineup card, sacrificing a goat (again), and reminding everyone that “it’s only baseball… until it becomes a cry for help.”

Stay tuned to mlbonfax.com. We’ll keep you updated as this historic collapse continues. Because if there’s one thing the Cubs are good at right now, it’s making history. Code FAX for your next SeatGeek tickets. Even if the Cubs are playing. Especially if the Cubs are playing.