Rockies Eliminated After 21-0 Beatdown by Padres

DENVER, CO - The Colorado Rockies have officially been eliminated from the 2025 postseason — and they went out in the most Rockies way possible: getting curb-stomped 21-0 by the San Diego Padres in a game that looked more like a Coors Field batting practice session than a Major League Baseball contest.

The loss mathematically knocked the Rockies out of the NL playoff race, not that they were ever truly in it. Their elimination marks the 17th straight year Colorado will miss the playoffs — a streak older than some of their recent draft picks.

Rockies fans on X were quick to spiral into despair and sarcasm.

“Fire Bud Black into the sun.”— @MileHighMisery

“I turned this game off in the second inning and started watching curling. That’s where we’re at.”— @PurplePain88

“21-0. Season over. Honestly relieved.”— @CoorsLightBatBoy

Meanwhile, the players themselves had an entirely different vibe postgame.

“We booked our Cancun flights during the 5th inning,” said Kris Bryant, who was seen applying sunscreen in the dugout between innings. “Honestly, I’m hyped.”

“Never seen a locker room this happy after a 21-run loss,” chuckled infielder Ryan McMahon. “We’re bringing the tequila AND the golf clubs.”

Shortstop Ezequiel Tovar added, “We didn’t lose. We just got a head start on vacation.”

Bud Black’s Seat Has Melted Into the Core of the Earth

Rockies manager Bud Black, who many fans and insiders believe should have been fired years ago, was once again left answering questions about the team's direction — or lack thereof.

When asked about his job security, Black responded, “We have a plan. We just haven’t executed it. For like eight years.” A few reporters claim they saw GM Bill Schmidt furiously typing “Cancun All-Inclusive Resorts” during Black’s postgame presser.

MLB insiders were more blunt:

“Bud Black has been managing this team like it’s a spring training showcase for a decade,” said one anonymous AL scout. “At this point, it’s malpractice.”

“If the Rockies bring Bud Black back in 2026, it should be investigated by The Hague,” tweeted @MLBWhistleblower.

What’s Next for Colorado?

In classic Rockies fashion, probably nothing. Ownership seems more focused on making sure the rooftop bars at Coors Field stay profitable than fielding a competitive roster. But with fans increasingly vocal, and the national embarrassment of a 21-0 shellacking now trending across every sports network, pressure may finally mount.

Or not.

In the meantime, the Rockies' season is officially over. Their playoff hopes are dead. Their manager might be too — metaphorically. But hey: the beaches in Cancun are alive and well.

Final Quote of the Night

“21-0, but who's counting? Bartender said first round’s on the house,” said Rockies pitcher Kyle Freeland from the Denver airport Margaritaville.