Houston Astros Clinch Cancun Playoffs Birth After MLB Elimination
- Fax Sports
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
CANCUN — The Houston Astros did the funniest two-step in sports today: out of October, straight into Cancun. With the Cleveland Guardians beating the Texas Rangers earlier this afternoon, Houston was officially eliminated from the MLB postseason. Minutes later, Fax Sports reporter Tom Dung broke the news we were all waiting for: the Astros have clinched the #6 seed in the 2025 Cancun Playoffs, where all games will be held inside the Cancun Dome—air-conditioned, domed, and surrounded by neon margarita stands.
“It’s a new season where the roof’s closed but the vibes are wide open,” said Jose Altuve, already wearing flip-flops with eye black. “We didn’t get October baseball, but we got Oct-shore baseball. Same pressure, no sunburn.”
Yordong Alvarez grinned like he just saw a hanging slider. “Ball travels in the Dome,” he said. “I’m ready to send thirty Yordongs into the party deck. Somebody find me a beach ball with 108 stitches.”
And then the siren went off: Josh Reddick is un-retiring exclusively for Cancun. “One last ride,” Reddick said, emerging from a pile of souvenir sombreros. “I heard the outfield wall is LED screens of palm trees and the foul poles are neon surfboards. I was built for this.”
Astros Cancun manager Dusty Baker (straw hat tilted, wristbands refreshed) summed it up: “Man, these guys grinded. Flights were delayed, bags were overweight, but we handled our business. We worked for this—morning lifts, afternoon hacks, and nightly mariachi BP. Now let’s go win the Dome.”
Series Set: #6 Houston Astros vs. #3 Los Angeles Angels — Best-of-Three, begins next week in Cancun Dome
Format: 1–1–1 with simulated night skies on the LED roof. Home-field advantage determined by who tips the resort staff more.
Statfax Matchup Preview & Projections
Series Win Prob. Astros 58%, Angels 42%
Astros: Player Projections
Jose Altuve — .378/.567/1.245, 12 HR, 44 RBI, 1.1 bWAR (Beach WAR).
Yordong Alvarez — .675/.955/9.900, 63 HR, 77 RBI, 22 moonshots denting the Dome’s retractable roof.
Josh Reddick — .340/.410/.820, 11 HR, 69 Spiderman web gems into the tiki bar.
Rotation/Bullpen
Framber Valdez — 12.2 IP, 3 ER, 93 K, 65% GB rate (turf bounce suppression: elite).
Hunter Brown — 10.0 IP, 4 ER, 72 K.
Cristian Javier — 8.0 IP, 3 ER.
Closer: Josh Hader — 3.1 IP, 0 ER, 55 K, 11 sunglasses saves under the Dome lights.
Angels: Player Projections
Mike Trout — .610/.820/1.690, 22 HR, 55 RBI, 17 highlight reel robs against the neon surfboard pole.
Taylor Ward — .385/.460/.915, 13 HR, 34 RBI.
Anthony Rendon — .760/1.330/2.470, 97 HR, 243 RBI.
Rotation/Bullpen
Reid Detmers — 11.0 IP, 5 ER, 12 K; curveball enhanced by Dome airflow.
Yusei Kikuchi — 9.0 IP, 0 ER, 58 K.
Bullpen — 12.0 IP, 6 ER, strand rate dips when the Dome’s DJ drops reggaetón.
Edges & Exploitables (Statfax Deep Cut)
Dome Carry Index (DCI): Astros power lefties get +6–9 feet of carry to right-center with controlled airflow and occasional wind throttling. Angels see +3–5 feet mostly to left.
Turf Conversion Rate (TCR): Astros infield converts 74% of artificial hops into outs; Angels at 66%. Peña’s first step on Dome turf is elite.
Bullpen Glare Tolerance: Hader/Abreu combo projects a .188 xwOBA under LED twilight; Angels late-inning arms spike to .312.
Concession Stand Effect: Trompo al pastor stands inside Section 121 add +0.07 expected runs per Astros inning (smell-based morale bump).
Chaos Factor: Reddick’s un-retire event adds +3% to Astros’ series win prob strictly via vibes, costume changes, and playlist curation.
Coaches’ Corners
Dusty Baker (Astros):
“Man, people think this is easy—show up, sip a little coconut, win a little ballgame. Nah. These boys were in the cage before brunch, took fungo on the turf after brunch, and ran poles under Dome lights before dinner. We earned that 6 seed. Pack light, swing heavy.”
Angels’ club statement (translated from Dome-resort corporate):
“Concessions close at 10. Trout does not.”
Fax Sports' Pick: Astros in 3
The model likes Houston’s left-hand thunder, ground-ball suppression, and Dome Pen advantage.
Angels keep it loud behind Trout and Rendon, but Statfax flags late-inning leakage once the Dome DJ gets involved.
Series MVP (Projection): Yordong Alvarez — 63 HR, 77 RBI, 27 shattered LED panels, OPS 9.900.
X-Factor: Jose Altuve turning two on turf hops.
Chaos Cameo: Josh Reddick robs a homer while ordering ketchup tacos.
Fine Print, Dome Edition
All Statfax™ numbers run on the proprietary C.A.N.C.U.N. engine (Carry-Adjusted Nautical Coefficient Under Nightfall).
Tom Dung’s scoop was first, we just faxed it louder.
Remember: October is cool. Oct-shore in the Dome is cooler. See you at first pitch—bring sunscreen anyway, vibes require it.